On the occasion of his 24th birthday…..I sat down to write my son a note in his card:

“Caleb,

40.00 seems a pitiful pittance for what you are to me. It’s a violent business, motherhood. Physically, a human being lunges out of your body and tears at your flesh and there’s blood and gore and crying and joy without words to explain it.
Figuratively, as you hold them in your arms they, even then, begin to unfurl and pack away little milestones that give them wind and muscle to tear away at your heart and forge their own path. And there’s a different kind of blood and gore and crying and joy. And all of it requires a heart – or two – on the line, or none of it will be experienced. And I’d push my way to the head of the line to do it all again. I love you – Happy Birthday, To us both. Love, Mama.”
___________________________
Mama, I am so indescribably grateful to have gone through every milestone thus far with you at my back. The very fact that you and I both are still here and have what we have is a miracle in more than one sense. Our livelihood as well as our lives themselves have come under attack even from day one. I love you more than you will ever know. I always have… through the trials, and the pain, the anger, and yes even momentary hate, I still loved you.
I respect your ability to not only let me go forge my path, not only let, but push me to succeed and I know that takes effort and includes many nights of sorrow as well as joy. In short, we have many more paths to walk and joys to be had. And I look forward to having YOU Tamara Gray Belanger, as my mother to experience it with.
Much Love,
Caleb