I sit here in the semi warmth of my kitchen; because it is 150 years old with seepy cold windows that make me open my oven door and turn it to 400, just to create that semi warmth. I found this picture, posted a year ago today when things looked promising for a new relationship, when roads I was traveling on were beginning to take turns I had not expected that would set the sun on fire in my heart. And I stood perched and paying attention, just like these deer. What is THIS, God? I tried to peer off into the distance to see if I could see the end of the movie. I thought that way, I could “protect” my heart from change, could resist what I might learn, could orchestrate the soundtrack myself.
I ended up traveling that road anyway, sight unseen; still am. I am so deeply grateful for having done it not knowing. I’d have skipped most of it, to tell you the truth. And there would have been my absolute loss. I look around at the memories tucked in the tree branches and the patterns on the snow in this picture, things only my heart can see and I find myself smiling. I am a new person; newer than before. Turns out, His word is true. He does make all things new and sometimes He does it with me unaware. I’ve grown up into my childlikeness, I’m skipping around in the palm of His hand where His boundaries are safe. I rest from my need to know. I listen to the music He’s playing in my world and dance. I think of what scares me now, the vestiges of deer fear, and I wrap it around the notes I hear in my symphony from Him and watch it float up in the air.
Sometimes the notes are dark and the tones take on sounds that make me look around. But now? Instead of running to the woods? I still my heart and listen hard. His voice is singing over me.
A deer ago, things were different. I am grateful.
Leave a Reply