See that tree there? All blurry and leaning to one side rained on soggy and heavy? That’d be me after today. All joy living that I blogged about this morning? Drained out of my flat this afternoon. I was plum tired physically. That made the filter for interactions sticky and muddy and they got caught and pulled at my head and my heart till they were both frayed. I found myself disappointed in the actions of some, frustrated with others, sluggish in my spirit and flustered at the wind. I just wanted to go home and sleep, mainly.
My friend and I, we talked cartoon animated early this morning before it all began. We were eager to live this joy, to find out what it looked like on us, how our Creator meant for us to wear it and walk it out. We listened and understood each other, barely using words and then walked into the ring to duke out life. That’s where I found myself picking up the weights and flexing my pitiful muscles; the “love keeps no record of wrongs, does not take offense easily, sees the best in others, bears up, fadeless under all circumstances….”; those muscles. Truth be told, they strained stringy and stretched out. “You look like you’re not in a very good mood,” came the young voice of one in the school store. It rubbed like a carpet burn. “Yeah. No. No, I guess not. I’m just tired.” But I saw the distance it created written on their face. They’d gotten used to my smile and the bin was empty today.
I sat parked in my car and looked out the windshield at this water color tree and snapped a picture quick. How quickly expectations, small irritations, being human can gouge at our beginning of the day blank slate. I hum to myself words that resonate with me:
So take up what we’ve been given
Welcome the edge of our days
Hemmed in by sunrise and sunset
By our youth and by our age
Thank God for our dependence
Here’s to our chasm of need
And how it binds us together
In faith and vulnerability
This chasm of need, this vulnerable weakness that binds us to each other and reminds us we’re just us, dependent on our God for breath and grace with each other and rest that makes it possible to smile when I feel like a wet tree.